I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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