Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
