hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
