I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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