went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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