Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
