Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
