if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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