Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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