so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm too high and old for this...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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