Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize