I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize