PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This is not my ceiling
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
