i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I checked into jail on foursquare
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
