I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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