just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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