Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
