jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
