I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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