Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
