for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
