What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
