So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
