She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
