2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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