oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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