My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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