how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
