i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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