i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
