I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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