i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
