so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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