I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
