theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
