just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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