She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
