Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
