there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
