I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
