it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
