it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's shark week go big or go home
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
