a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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