Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
