It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize