omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
