first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
