It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Houston, we have a squirter
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
