i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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