A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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