I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
