I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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