I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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