At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
