its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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