As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
