just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
