So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
