I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
