make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
