Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
false alarm, still single
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
