i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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