the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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