We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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