her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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