In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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