Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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