When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
